just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
