Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
