You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
