How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
