Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize