why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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