We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
