Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
