He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
