New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
