i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
