she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
