its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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