i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
