I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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