She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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