The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
