at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
