Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How external is "for external use only"?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
