LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
