trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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