Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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