Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
