Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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