Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
