I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I checked into jail on foursquare
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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