I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
