i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
