hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
