You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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