people are starting to question the shark bite story
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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