I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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