let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
