I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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