sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
