she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
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