Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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