I wish I could punch you in the face.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's rum buckets o'clock