The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere