shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
