You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
