So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
