how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
