My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
