So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
