We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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