watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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