i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
