Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
