I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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