I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
