with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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