Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize