Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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