I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just google imaged poop.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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