she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Randomize
