I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
