I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
