So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
