Jerry, you need to find god
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
