I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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