Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
