I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
