the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
