I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
