Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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