So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize