i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
